Tuesday, January 4, 2011

What are ya doin New Year's Eve?

Funny thing happened.  

As I've mentioned, the Christmas Season is a bit of a burden on a lot of people with mental illness, including me.  However, New Year's Eve has it's own special brand of hurt.  It's one of the loneliest nights of the year for many.  Again, including me.  People are out celebrating the dawn of a new year with friends, loved ones, people they've just met.  People like me know that going out to such social and joyful occasions is a sure-fire way to trigger a major episode.  People like me are double damned 'cause staying home alone when the world is celebrating can be yet another trigger.  People like me are triple-damned 'cause we weren't invited in the first place...probably due to the fact that we never say yes to that sort of thing so no one invites us anymore.

Where's the way out?

I had the strangest urge on the 31st.  I had the urge to go to church.  Now for many of you this may not seem like something all that strange.  What's the big deal with church, you might say.  Coming from a non-spiritual, non-religious, non-Christian, non-Buddhist, non-Mulsim, non....well you get the idea.. this is a strange compulsion!  I have rather definite and strong feelings on organized religion and church and whatnot... and not all of them are positive.

I checked around and as it turned out no local churches were having New Year services.  I was nonetheless intrigued by my strange urge to go to church.  What possible reason would my depression-addled brain have for coming up with the idea to send me to church?

And that's when it came to me.  It's all about fellowship.  I have a friend who is heavily involved in the church. As a result she has many friends.  She always has company around.  Her faith and how it comforts her is another story (for she too suffers from mental illness), but what I have always seen in her is a huge circle of people who all gather together for a good purpose.  The debate over faith/supernatural beings/gods is certainly another story as well.... but what I am trying to get at here is church represents fellowship.

I can't see me becoming a church regular just to be near other human beings.  That seems somehow...wrong.  However, the point was well made.  What can I do to make sure I am occasionally surrounded by other people?

I've got to find something to join.  

Distraction has proven effective in my state.  

Wallowing makes it worse.

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