Monday, January 3, 2011

Tis The Season...Part 2

*Warning - depending on your current state of mind, this post may contain triggering content.   Please read accordingly.

It may have been only hours since I posted that missive on the Christmas Season (yes yes, Holiday Season too), however it's been about two weeks since I actually wrote it.  As I wrote the post, we were heading into the season.  I was growing ever more troubled and slipping into a dark, despair-filled place.

Last Christmas season was probably my darkest hour.  Darkest several hours, to be quite honest.  I really had strong suicidal urges.  I hid from as much as I could, but honestly didn't know how I was going to make it.  That situation is, to say the least, pretty rough.  The only way I knew how to get past was to lie down, and wait for the horrible waves to pass.  That is not the most productive method, in case you were wondering.

This year I found myself on a slippery slope once again, spiraling into madness.  Yes I consider it madness.  That might not be the technical Psychiatric term, but it's mine!

This year, I took one extra step.  A couple times I found myself in real crisis.  I took a lesson from Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.  I phoned a friend.  However, here's the part where I cheated slightly.  I didn't phone-a-friend and ask for help, oh no.  I didn't pour out my overflowing heart and say "save me from myself!"

No, I phoned-a-friend and went over to visit.  Just hanging out and talking about random stuff while watching mindless television can be enough to distract me from the madness for a while.  Sometimes when having an Episode, the best thing I can do is distract myself.  The worst is the aforementioned lying down to let it pass.  Cause... it doesn't pass.  It just gets worse.

If you find it really hard to flat out ask for help from friends or a professional, maybe distraction will grant you a temporary reprieve.

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