Friday, June 10, 2011

Third Time's a Charm

I had a third post planned for tonight.  It was about the strange things that happen when someone from your past pops up momentarily in a life, and the questions and the feelings that dredges up.  And all about the thought processes all that stuff engenders.  I even alluded to this post when I mentioned brief passing MDEs.

But now it's late and I can type no more.

I'll be back soon with the thrilling conclusion to this strange tale.

But First...

I posted recently about a family member who has recently begun, outwardly at least, experiencing anxiety and depression.  

The update is thus:  said elderly member of the family has been to a Doctor and is receiving help.  Specifics I do not know, but I do know that it's being attended to.  I still feel deep and everlasting shame that I was not able to help.  That won't be muted.  

The story takes a sadder turn now.  The person in question has enjoyed better than average health for someone of that age.  Someone who has been spry, independent, and quite frankly...young.  This person now appears to be approaching a different phase in life.  Physical frailty is becoming more of an issue.  There was a fall.  Then there was another fall.  Then there was a worse one where muscles were pulled , but thankfully nothing was broken.  We all know that's now likely just a matter of time.

For someone who has reached the age this person has, and to have one's health and mind in good stead, we are all supposed, I think, to not be surprised when the downturn starts.  We are supposed to be wistful but accept the transition to the late stages of life as the natural order of things.

But you know what?  No matter how normal, natural, and expected this is... it's still heartbreaking.  Perhaps that too is natural.

What's unnatural is the amplification of the sadness caused by my affliction.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Raining, pouring, etc


I have a couple of stories to tell tonight.  One is kinda strange.  One is not.

The Not Strange story is a pretty good one.  It's a followup to my strangely sports-themed post of some days ago.  We spoke of how my department was moving to another part of the country, and how no one was going with it, and how I was going to be taping hockey sticks for some minor league team out in the sticks.

Well.  How times change.  In my unique way of being deliberately vague and yet getting across the gist of what's happening, seems this other championship team in the same major league needed a new head coach.  And so, instead of being sent to who-knows-where, I have had something of a promotion while not having to move anyplace.  Fate moves in mysterious ways.  And thankful I am for it.

In the last couple of weeks I've experience muted joy, which is an odd experience indeed.  I probably should have been dancing in the streets, or at least celebrating in some fashion.  Alas, this dysthymia puts a cork in any exceptional feelings.  It has a tendency to do that.  At least I have been relatively MDE free for a few weeks!  This low-grade depression has a bright side - it just keeps everything, even the bad, down to a dull roar.

I say "relatively" MDE free 'cause there were a few low points.  But that's for two posts from now.