Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Uh-Oh

I've been discussing triggers a bit. When you are afflicted as we are, a seemingly innocent remark, a perceived slight, can send us into the spiral. Things that would be like water on a ducks back, or more likely not be noticed by someone not so afflicted, might be disastrous for us. We all have our own. Likely, you know what they are, make some effort to avoid them, but once in a while, a trigger sneaks up on you and you are gone on a journey into the dark dark corners of your mind.


But.


What happens when you are faced with a situation that would be upsetting, even to Normal Folk(tm)? Say for instance you have a particularly bad day at work. Things go right off the rails. It happens to all of us.


The person with normal mental health may be upset and angry. Annoyed at the situation that ruined the day. Mad at someone for causing it. Upset with themselves for dropping the ball. Or, just as likely, frustrated 'cause it was nobody's fault but it still sucked out loud.


For the depressed person, a day like this can be armageddon. It has the potential to trigger a major episode that can have very serious consequences. The word apoplectic comes to mind. It might not be completely accurate but I have always liked that word. Looks impressive.


So what do you do when you see the Bad Day careening towards you like a runaway Mack truck on the highway?


How do you stave off disaster? The Spiral? The EPISODE? Especially when you pretty much know it's inevitable once the Bad Day starts raining down on you?


It happened to me today. Nobody's fault. Just things went off the rails, things were tense, stuff went wrong. I sat down after the fallout and, once the crisis passed, was immediately conscious of the dark curtain descending. Uh-oh. Here it comes. And that's when I remembered what I had written a couple days ago about Christmas. And my secret to averting horrible horrible disaster.


Distraction.


I threw myself into the rest of the day and revved up to a frantic pace. I read the news online. I checked out other blogs I read that have nothing to do with mental health. I started three projects at work. Anything to throw up a roadblock. Anything to prevent my mind from going where I knew it was headed. I sat up and flat out refused to yield to the Major Depressive Episode I knew was coming.


The day isn't over, and now I am home... alone....but I think I got this one beat.

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