Monday, March 28, 2011

Someone open a window, It's much too funky in here

Yes, yes, I DO still exist.

No, I am not a victim of early blog burnout just yet.

I am also not going to be one of those people who writes constant streams of "Sorry I haven't written in a while!" posts.  At a very basic level, I am writing this blog for purely selfish reasons.  Helping myself feel better.  I even slapped up the "Blogging Without Obligation" banner just to the right over there, which links to a pretty smart philosophy on blogging.

However, in the interests of being a good blog neighbor and communicating with my new blog friends, I did log in to offer this quick update.

Truth is, I have been down down down in a deep dark funk.  It's been rather paralyzing really.

I have so much I want to write about.  I want to do a post on feeling suicidal.  I want to do one on Avoidant Personality Disorder.  I want to write extensively on why Casey Heynes is my hero, why the school principal that suspended him should be fired instantly, how it is ridiculously unfair that the student who made that video is not also suspended and/or expelled and one on why bullying is horribly scarring.  (Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me?  We all know better now.)  I want to write about how reading other people's blogs about depression helped me recognize bad habits in my life.  How sharing other people's experiences helped me recognize how low I am, and how low I have been.

I want to write.  I want to share.  I want to heal, and be a friend to others who are healing.

But I am down down down in a deep dark funk.  It's not one of those deep dark Major Depressive Episodes that makes me question my continued existence on this earth, although goodness knows I have enough of those.  It's more of a thick coating of malaise.  Dysthymia, I believe is the technical term.  It has stopped most activity in my life, not just my writing in this space.

I come home from work, I sit on my couch, eventually I feel drowsy and head off to bed.  I sleep for 9-10 hours, then wake up to my alarm feeling as if I had not slept at all.  I head off to work, come home, and the cycle starts again.  Weekends consist of me sitting in front of the TV from Friday after work until Sunday night at bedtime.  Not good!

Just for good measure, I am achy and painy all over.  The Cymbalta commercials come to mind.  "Did you know depression can have physical symptoms as well as mental symptoms?"  Yes, Cymbalta, yes I did.  Fully aware.  Me and ibuprofen are totally BFFs now.

So.  This is not an apology for not writing, as I am going to write when I am so moved, and not feel guilty when I am not.  However, I have a lot to write about and my wish is to be able to push through that wall that is preventing me from doing so.

Darned wall.


  1. Hi there,
    Very good to see another posting from you. Actually, coincidentally, the other day I was thinking about those bloggers who 'say sorry for not posting for a while'. I would never, ever state that, unless I was being rather 'tongue-in-cheek'. I mean, do I think that folks are having withdrawal symptoms because I haven't written anything? I don't think so.
    Anyway, I like your style. I think one should write when they feel like it and not due to some 'obligation'.
    I realise that you are experiencing some dark times, trying to make sense of it all. Of course, you have this ability to use the power of the written word to verbalise your thoughts and feelings. A therapeutic and cathartic exercise.
    Please know that some of what you describe here is similar to my own life, or lack of. In fact, please know, that as best I can, you have my encouragement and support. Help each other, we help ourselves.
    In kindness and respect, your way, Gary.

  2. Hey!
    Feel free to write when you want, how you want and about what you want.

    There's something on my blog for you

  3. To know that I inspire anything really is quite an honor. Thanks Nas :)

  4. Hi TSB,
    Before I go to bed over here in England, I just thought you might also like to know that my friend David, over at 'A Day in the Life' mentioned you and your superb blog on this posting.

    Just thought you might like to know. Have a peaceful week.

  5. Thank you Gary, I rushed right over, and discovered another wonderful blog to read and keep up with. Such a great community I am discovering!

  6. You're very welcome. David is a friend of mine in 3D reality.
    May the supportive and encouraging positive energy of the blogging community, give you further inspiration.
    Good night and take very good care of yourself.
    In kindness and respect, Gary :)


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