Friday, January 7, 2011

Chicken? Egg?

The oft-asked question.  Which came first, the chicken?  The egg?

Which came first... the depression, or the loneliness.  Do they feed off each other?  Do they cause each other in a spirally festival of self-fulfilling?  Being lonely is most assuredly a contributing factor to how I feel.  Bouts of loneliness can definitely kick off a trip on the spiral-down highway.  And, being depressed can certainly limit social interaction, contributing to loneliness.  It's a vicious cycle.

I have been single for more years than I care to count.  Suffice it to say I do not have enough fingers to count that high.  I "chose" years ago to stay that way as I found dating and relationships far more stressful than most people.  Side effect of the Condition, naturally.

Recently, as part of my recovery efforts, I lifted the moratorium.  So, what we have now is an occasionally severely depressed person who is super lonely, "on the market" but still dateless, and who is wondering vaguely if the ban on interpersonal relationships contributes to my trouble, or keeps it from being worse.  I truly can't decide.

Let's be honest here too.  "On the market" means if someone I thought I might be interested in proposed a coffee at some point, I'd probably say yes.  I certainly haven't progressed to asking anyone out, seeking out like-minded people, or anything else.

I am open to new experiences but not quite strong enough, it seems, to seek them out.  

Like all things with this whole scene, it seems this is to be a process.

1 comment:

  1. Hi there,
    Depression and loneliness, can indeed, be intertwined. I am speaking from my own expert angle, for I am a virtual recluse.
    What I do know is that we have to somehow create a positive environment within, and thus, our outer environment can improve.
    It's making those brave tentative steps forward. It's challenging the duvet or doorway dilemma.
    Most encouraging to realise you are open to new experiences. That's a most reassuring attitude, as you focus on a happier, more positive future.
    Please know, if you so wish, that you will have my support. I applaud you.
    With respect and goodwill, Gary.


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