Now That You Mention It

I've been reflecting for the last ten minutes, while I ironed a shirt to wear tomorrow so I can make sure everyone's hockey sticks are in tip top shape.


I've been thinking about the message, the purpose of the Mental Health Blog Party and I think that even though I'm in a disastrous place right now, I gotta make an effort to join my fellow bloggers in getting the message out.


Here it comes.

The purpose and the message is this:


Good mental health is so very important.  I've never had any, so I am just going by other people's opinions here, you understand.  However I know what I feel I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.  So I have to assume, and believe, that good mental health is something to be striven for.  To work at.  It's eluded me so far, but it won't forever.


Regular readers will know I've been this way for some time.  I've made efforts at getting help too.  Tried a few different drugs, visited with a retired psychiatrist who doesn't seem to acknowledge that he is in fact retired, the story goes on.


After five years on various drugs that kept me from feeling the darkest of dark but also kept me from feeling extra-positive, I decided to go it alone.  It's not gone well.  I don't know what to do.  For me, drugs are awful things that make a mess of my insides, do little for depression, and kind of put a filter on everything else.  You may (I hope) have better results, but my next step is a mystery.


But here is what I do know.  You gotta try.  If I hadn't started the process of asking for help with my Doctor five... oh my it's been six years ago now... I'd probably not be around.  Now I am in a precarious place but I know more about the process, more about how drugs affect me, and more about how I can control the dark feelings.  Most times.


You gotta start someplace.  Mine's not the most inspiring tale of recovery, but it is a tale if, "this is a long process and not all things work for all people so you might have to try more then one."  Which really, is a rather long title for a tale.


You've heard all the usual things, "tell your Doctor," "tell a friend," "call a help line," and so on.


I'm going to tell you to do something different.  Start reading.  learn all you can about how you feel and why you might be feeling it.  I'll even give you a starting point.  All the posts for the May 18th Mental Health Blog Party are a great place to start learning, and reading, and hopefully, recovering.  You don't even need to scroll up... I'll help you out here.  I know I have a lot of reading ahead of me.


Once you are better informed, your choice on what to do next might be clearer.  At the very least you should be able to understand what's going on.  And that's a big portion of the battle.


Carry on, friends.

Tis The Season...Part 2

*Warning - depending on your current state of mind, this post may contain triggering content.   Please read accordingly.

It may have been only hours since I posted that missive on the Christmas Season (yes yes, Holiday Season too), however it's been about two weeks since I actually wrote it.  As I wrote the post, we were heading into the season.  I was growing ever more troubled and slipping into a dark, despair-filled place.

Last Christmas season was probably my darkest hour.  Darkest several hours, to be quite honest.  I really had strong suicidal urges.  I hid from as much as I could, but honestly didn't know how I was going to make it.  That situation is, to say the least, pretty rough.  The only way I knew how to get past was to lie down, and wait for the horrible waves to pass.  That is not the most productive method, in case you were wondering.

This year I found myself on a slippery slope once again, spiraling into madness.  Yes I consider it madness.  That might not be the technical Psychiatric term, but it's mine!

This year, I took one extra step.  A couple times I found myself in real crisis.  I took a lesson from Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.  I phoned a friend.  However, here's the part where I cheated slightly.  I didn't phone-a-friend and ask for help, oh no.  I didn't pour out my overflowing heart and say "save me from myself!"

No, I phoned-a-friend and went over to visit.  Just hanging out and talking about random stuff while watching mindless television can be enough to distract me from the madness for a while.  Sometimes when having an Episode, the best thing I can do is distract myself.  The worst is the aforementioned lying down to let it pass.  Cause... it doesn't pass.  It just gets worse.

If you find it really hard to flat out ask for help from friends or a professional, maybe distraction will grant you a temporary reprieve.

Before we begin...

Hi.  I’m not a Doctor of anything.  I’m not a Social Worker.  I am not a counsellor.  I am not a Psychologist, Psychiatrist, holistic practitioner, hypnotist, or anything else.  I’m not a crisis line.  What I am is just a guy who feels really bad and has decided to blog for therapy.  Participate in the discussion if it so moves you.  However, take nothing I say as a replacement for qualified medical care.

Keep in mind that many of the things I write about may be triggers for you.  



The most important thing to note here is... if you need help... ask someone for it.  If you are feeling suicidal, just call 911 or the emergency number in your area.  There are a lot of people in the world who are trained to help people in crisis.  I am not one.  



Here are a few sites that can link you to some help right now...


The Kelty Foundation


Metanoia


The Samaritans